Friday, November 30, 2012

A Poem for November

In the silence and stillness of November
Between barren trees and rainy streets

I think of you

Brown eyes and a leather jacket;
Just riding in your car I felt
Just being by your side I felt
And just talking to you
For hours and hours
I didn't want to stop

I hope you think of me sometimes.
I hope you know
My heart aches this November
As I dream of Christmas
I wish you were here
And as you drive
For miles and miles
And find the ways
To close the holes in your soul
[Holes we all possess and hold]
I pray for you
I hope you know

This November is for you.

Sunday, November 25, 2012


Silenced I was
Under chains and
Tape and
Ropes and
Tied to the thickest anchor
Thrown under
A deep, teal ocean
Of shame-
Red ribbons
Shimmering with
Drops of sadness
Tears and lies,
Stuffed inside
A bloated figure
Shaped as my soul, but
Silenced I was.

You shot me down
You shut me up
You ordered me out
You numbed my feelings
You plugged my tears
You hushed and shushed
Be quiet,
Don't speak.
Shhh, too loud-
Quiet down now.

I'm through with it.
My heart still beats
My soul still hums
My thoughts still speak
My words still scream

There is no way you can silence me.

I will speak my mind
I will carve my way
Into the deepest
Shades of today

And I will speak.

I will speak and be heard.

Love/ Lust II

She you will find
On common streets
On pages and pages
Of black and white prints
In every article, on every sign
Yes, she is common
Almost a yawn now
Her excitement has vanished
Her mirth is quite dead now
And now all she is
Is a faceless member
Of a dirt-stained crowd
Crying in shouts
Of tears and confusion
For she is a liar,
The thief of most hearts.

Yet compare her to She
Who stands firm in opposition
Quiet, discreet, she eludes us quite often
She whispers sweet sonnets
And sings, pure, like church bells
But still she runs
Just beyond every corner
Just past the point of arms reach
She is as beautiful as everything
We've ever wanted
Hold her and your heart shivers,
Your pulse quickens and
Your senses sharpen
But be careful.
She is fragile
And the other waits
In a dark corner
To distract and utter
A filthy lie

Just love Her,
Love her without rust and tarnish
See her soul as a glowing angel
And give it the best of your heart
She will be sure to quench those thirsts
Still screaming inside of stifled throats
In a culture of dirt
Where we all see what is common
But still seek She who runs.


Never give up hope.

On a blue sky morning
I found a path
That lead to the ocean
And looking around,
I saw I was alone.
And I let out my heart
Into aquamarine waves
I asked my Father,
Let your waves cleanse me
And soothe the pain
That runs as deep
As underwater caves.
Sing me your sonnet.

I don't want to forget you.

This poem was written on a strange night after a strange day; it was a really hard day, and then at night the power went out, and all my family went to bed, and I stayed up to write this by the light of a candle. This captures how empty and raw and aching my soul felt, and exposes my deep sadness in that moment.

I don't want to forget you.
I want to remember everything-
Your arms around me,
Your words that shone like lightning
And lit up my sky
Your dark eyes searching mine and
Trying to understand me,
Trying to piece our souls together
Into a perfect shape
I want you more than anyone.
All day long the tears have come
And my hollow soul feels weak without you
I cry out to the Lord,
Savior, I need you.
I shiver with the chills of an empty soul,
Ravenous and lost in a vast desert
Of lonely places and dead air
I need you.
My heart cries for you
Every moment since you left
I never knew I could feel this way
My dear,
My precious love,
Will I die without you here?
Will I always feel this hollow?
Will I always miss your hand in mine
And ache in ways I can hardly bear?
I don't want to forget you.
I want to remember you as mine.

Peppermint Tea

To end the silence
I saw your face in a picture
And I can't describe what my heart did
But it may be something like
A thousand window panes,
Once majestic and towering,
Shattering to the ground
Just whimpering, pathetic shards now
I don't know how
I expect myself to be okay
After forcing myself to let go of
After the moments you held me close
And looked at me with warm eyes
 And made me feel alive

And I know it was me
Who said goodbye
But please just know that
I haven't stopped thinking about you,
Or the long night
With peppermint tea
And matching feet on the escalator. 

October Stars

I fell in love with you
As we danced
Under the October night sky;
Amber lights that
Burned like comets
Pulsing music
Swam around us
And even in the
Swarming crowd
With dazzling jewels
And flashy grins
All I could see
Was you in your T-shirt,
You with your brown eyes
So comfortable
So humble and real
With the sweetest smile,
Brighter than the October stars.



I welcome you.
Come here for a while
And sit by my side
I will hold you
And fix you up
I'll bring you a cup
Of your favorite warm broth
And together we will cry.
Together we will gather up the shards
Of our shattered hearts
And hold eachother close
To match up the pieces
In a simple song;
Together we will remember
The rejection like needles
Together we'll recall
Each pain-soaked risk
Taken and failed,
Fallen to the ground
Like crumbled paper
Just know, dear,
I accept you
And here you may stay
As long as you need
Pour out your contents
And let me shiver and crumble and weep into you

It's just been so long
And I'm tired of running from you.

Latitude/ Longitude

If you were here
In this lonely wood
I would hold out
Tears for you
And show you they
Fit the shapes of yours
For you and I
Have felt the same
Yet you are a sailboat
Drifting, drifting
So far and so wide
I measure latitude and longitude
Wishing the saltwater miles
Weren't so alarmingly long
Between me and you
Perfect, in a painful semi-reality
And here on earth-

Never meant to be,
Nothing but a painful scar
Exactly where you touched my heart.

The Best

I've lost you.

The beauty in you
Drains out of my vision
Slow drops turning into
Rapid streams
How did I ever see you as so
Light-filled, so fresh,
Something new and something to hope for?
As others' lenses shift into
My peripherals
I see you differently
The result is disastrous;
I hate this new angle
A shadowey monster,
An unwanted rumor
That follows you,
Drenched in childish philosophies and
Shallow stigmas
I miss the days
I saw you with fresh eyes
And when I brought out the best in you.

Happy Birthday

One year ago from today
Tomorrow was your birthday
And you asked me if I would be there
To which I readily agreed
Excited and nervous
After being stuck in midair
For an anxious summer
Of ballerina toes and clenched fists.

I see myself in fragile frames
Shattering each glass sheet with
A new idea
As I transformed into someone new
Someone stronger than someone who would fall for you
I'm so glad to have taken these
Careful steps over
Flames and mine-fields and thorn-filled gardens
I'm better now.

Happy birthday.